IF YOU COULD TRADE PLACES WITH ONE MOVIE STAR, WHO WOULD IT BE?
Lassie. At least then I’d be fed, walked, and hugged.
WHAT DO YOU THINK OF ANIMATED FILMS?
They haven’t been the same since Walt Disney left us. That SOB sure could draw cuddly little critters.
IN GENERAL, DO YOU THINK MOVIES ARE AS GOOD AS THEY USED TO BE?
Of course not. Nothing new is as good as the old version. Have you seen the new version of me? His name’s Homer and he’s worthless!
IS ANYTHING AS GOOD AS IT USED TO BE?
Contrary to my previous answer, the sun is much better. Back in my day the sun was small and cold and it only came out at night and we called it the moon.
MOVIE STARS ARE KNOWN FOR MAKING OUTRAGEOUS DEMANDS ON THE SET. HAVE YOU EVER INSISTED ON A PARTICULAR PERK AT YOUR RETIREMENT HOME? I requested a bathrobe for my roommate. I’ve had one too many ganders at that man’s “equipment” thank you very much!
ACCORDING TO A RECENT AARP MAGAZINE ARTICLE, IT’S POSSIBLE TO REVITALIZE YOUR SKIN AT ANY AGE. WHAT’S YOUR SECRET TO GOOD COMPLEXION? Garlic and Limburger cheese. I don’t rub it on my skin. I eat it. Keeps people far away... which is where I look better.
WE DID A SURVEY THAT REVEALED PEOPLE IN THEIR 70S AND BEYOND HAVE ACTIVE SEX LIVES. WHAT’S BEEN YOUR EXPERIENCE?
Active sex life? I don’t have an active living life.
YOU’VE PROCLAIMED THE METRIC SYSTEM IS A TOOL OF THE DEVIL. DO YOU SEE THE HAND OF SATAN AT WORK ANYWHERE ELSE?
Gay marriage! I’m opposed to it! But considering how mine turned out, I’m opposed to straight marriage too.
YOU ONCE SAID THAT YOUR SON IS AS UGLY AS A MULES BUTT. DO YOU STAND BY IT? No, he’s much uglier, and I would like to take this opportunity to apologize to mule’s butts everywhere.
ARE YOU A MEMBER OF AARP? Probably. If you sent me any kind of letter asking for any kind of money for anything, then I fell for it.
